Come home, Abbey.

Abbey Sunderland.

A brave, 16 year-old girl who wanted to become the youngest to circumnavigate around the world in a sailboat. She lost contact with satellites this morning after rough water and a raging storm. Her emergency beacons have been activated. Officials are searching for her, but have lost all communication with her.

Please, remember her in your prayers.

Beat up...from the inside out.

Lately I've really been getting down on myself.

And I wish I could just stop thinking negative things about myself, but we all know it's just not as easy as that. And I've been thinking, why do we do that to ourselves? Where did all of this negative thinking come from?? Did cave-wives do the same? I can't really imagine a cave-wife sitting in her cave-bathroom and looking at herself in the mirror thinking "Does this fur make my butt look big?" Or, "Wow, I have too much cellulite on my legs." Or, "My hair is a disaster today!"

It had to have started somewhere. Of course, I think most of us can justly say that we hold the media responsible for a large portion of our distorted body images. When they begin to say that being a size 2 is ideal and sexy, the rest of us normal 6's (or 8's or 10's) start looking down at our bodies and questioning our healthy "imperfect" bodies. I think a body is ideal and sexy and you're confident in it, and you're healthy.

Negative thinking is not healthy.

It is a plague. It is a disease that spreads and harms, and even kills.

Now, just because I'm writing this, I don't want you to think that I'm like...depressed or that I hate my body or something. It's just that, the little things that we pick at about ourselves is really frustrating. I look at the size 4, beautiful woman that works in my office, as she diets consistently and always talks about how she can't eat that cookie or that half bagel ever because she can't have carbs since she's trying to get her pooch off...! I mean, she literally eats the meat and cheese off the top of her pizza cause she can't eat the bread as well. Why?? Now, that's just ridiculous. Or when my incredibly fit husband looks at his legs and says he has chicken legs, or down at his tummy and says he has a "gut."

We all need to stop being unrealistic and so judgemental about ourselves and just live our lives a little fuller. I want to wake up every morning and look in the morning and think to myself, "I'm a beautiful woman."

Because, I am.

Lonely, lonely, sad.

Prologue.

Tyson and I, our first date was on September 11, 2009. We literally went out every single night after that. We were engaged three weeks later. Married three and a half months later. And have not been apart for a single day since our first date that September 11th.

Present Day

Tyson left on Tuesday morning to go to Moab. Uh...how do I function?? It has been almost 2 and 1/2 days since he's been gone, and man-oh-man. It's the worse. I hate having him gone. I was thinking I was going to sleep so well with him gone; no more waking up every time he turns over or snorts! But, alas; I lay alone in bed for a couple hours before exhaustion finally wins and I am able to fade out. I need him back! He will be back on Saturday; so let's pray that I'm still human by then. That I haven't turned into some depressed, mushy "thing" that just lays in bed and stares blankly at the TV or something.

Is that pathetic?? Some might think so. But, I think not. And I don't blame you for thinking it is! But I like things the way they are. (Not with him being gone, but with us being attached at the hip and slightly inseparable.)